Thursday morning at 8:37am, I was sitting in the parking lot with my daughters. We were waiting for the time to go into school listening to This American Life. Their school is located in a retail shopping area. A strip mall yet the retail development has a large walkway in front of each store so the walkway is about 8 feet in front of the store fronts. While we were waiting, a man approximately 65 years of age was walking west to east on the sidewalk in front of the stores. No big deal right? From about 100 feet away I could determine that he was walking with a cane in his left hand yet he did not walk with any type of limp or impediment. Curious. He was wearing navy blue jeans, brown birckenstocks with white socks. His brown belt had a silver clasp disguised under a protruding beer belly. His dark navy blue t-shirt was tucked in neatly. No blousing needed because his center girth filled the front of the t-shirt into the shape of an 9 month mother to be. Everything seemed in order and I assumed that he was waiting for the LabCorp to open for obvious blood work for some type of circulatory or heart condition. At first I thought he was lost because he kept looking up at the signs. He passed the Royal Thai Bangkok Restaurant, Copeland Christian Bookstore and as he came near I noted that there was writing on the front of his t-shirt. I non-chalantly read the shirt which was quite easy to read because his girth allowed the maximum pressure on the shirt to provide a panel almost like one of those sandwich boards from a 1930’s movie. The following is an exact quote of what was printed on this proudly displayed t-shirt worn by this 65 year old caucasion male: “DIP ME IN HONEY AND THROW ME TO THE LESBIANS.” Unfortunately I am not making this up. This is a true story.  As a protective father of two and a father concerned with my daughters innate curiosity, I attempted to distract them while mentally shooing this individual into a quick u-turn. Two things were thrust to the front of my mind. Why honey? and Was this person for real? I quickly performed the equation to obtain the honey answer. I had to laugh because I thought about the absurdity of this individual. Maybe he was blind and someone gave him this shirt as a joke witholding the printed information or telling him that it said something like, “BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY.” Thinking it through I determine that is something I would do to my wife if she lost her sight. I would give her all of these inappriopriate t-shirts to wear and then tell her that they said something completely different just so I could shrug my shoulders at the scowling pedestrians reading her shirt. While they were reading, I would yell at them and say, “hey why don’t you take a picture it lasts longer, she is blind isn’t that enough or do you have to stare at her too!!!” When my wife asked what was happening I would say nothing just some ignorant person who has never seen someone with a disability. I would tell her that the Virginia Beach boardwalk is very crowded and we should leave laughing under my breath. She would feel like I was her knight in shining armor protecting her from the hurt of the world while she wore a shirt that said, “I danced my way through college. JB’s Gallery of Girls” or something similarly innappropriate. She would sit in the car none the wiser that the public was creating a mental images of her dancing to Aerosmith music in some creepy bar off of George Washington Highway. Back to the story. The man turned around and waltzed into Labcorp to get his blood drawn. Luckily, my daughters were still waking up for school or day dreaming but they missed the Dateline Chris Hansen contestant. I don’t want to sound old fashion but let me sound old fashion. That is completely inappropriate for a 65 year old or a 25 year old. Parents should not be forced to breach subjects with their kids that they are not ready to breach. Innocence should not be shattered by some old guy with a honey fetish. Frankly I don’t know what bothered me more the printing on the t shirt or the fact that he was wearing sandals with white socks and his t shirt was tucked in. Either way, I was certain that later in the day he would be sitting at a counter looking at a plate of cookies while Chris Hansen introduced himself as a reporter from Dateline’s show to catch a predator. After my girls were safely in the school I went to work thinking about the different shirts I could get my wife to wear if she was blind. The last phrase I came up with before my ADHD took over was, “This Cougar is on the Prowl!” I thought that was funny.AH