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THE FOLLOWING IS A STORY THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE WITH EVERYONE.

CONFUSED & IN THE WRONG CAMP!! Dear Albert,You ask for me to put this in words so here it is.   Too much coffee and running late always make for disastrous consequences.  This was exactly the scenario that presented itself the 1^st Sunday that I visited First Baptist Church of Norfolk.     We were running late (my wife and I) and by the way it is always her fault when we run late. So, while walking in my bladder announced to me, “You’ll never make it to the end of service”.  I understood completely and opted for a quick pit stop.  I knew that my bladder was giving me a good word. So, I hurried to the bathroom as to attempt to not be any later than we already were.  Now not only was I hurrying but I was oblivious.  I was in that place that we all go (Disney Land, the ball park, that mound of paperwork on your desk you have been trying to get to for a month, ect……..).  I was in control of autonomic functions but had mentally checked out and nobody was home. I entered the restroom and hurried to a stall not seeing any urinals.  I didn’t think too much about this because at South Norfolk Baptist Church we never had urinals for years until the bathroom upgrades.  Also, remember, I am in another place in my mind at this point, not the real world.   So, suddenly and without warning I have a realization.  I am surrounded by pink and ………..no urinals!!  Not good.  I certainly could not be this stupid, could I?  My concern / anxiety meter was starting to redline.  At this moment I hear the door open and click itty clack, click itty clack across the floor.  Definitely, not good now!!  Anxiety Meter was peaking in the red and fear was starting to set in.  The cold hard realization had set upon me that I was in the wrong place.  Indeed, I was in the wrong Camp!!   I remember thinking to myself, “These women are going to kill me!!  I am a moron!! Now the rational mind returns and I start to think.  I tell myself, “Alright now, be calm, cool heads prevail”.  Not working, I don’t need a cool head, I need grace!!  Lord help me now!! Immediately my sanity returned and realized, I’ve got to get out of here quickly.  Like, right now.  But what if a lady is not dressed or in a compromising way.  That would be very awkward and would not help my situation.  Should I wait till I hear nothing and then make a break for it?  No, no, no, that will make the situation worse and undermine my basic instinct of, “I gotta get out of here NOW!!”  No, I must and I will make an announcement that I am coming out to make sure everyone is decent.  I will gravel and beg if necessary.  Then I will bolt all the while making a thousand apologies for being such an idiot.  It will work, it has to.   So, I make the announcement, “Ladies, I have come into the wrong bathroom and need to leave.  If the coast is clear I would like to depart at this time.”  Permission was given by one lady and I did not hesitate.  The Lynyrd Skynyrd Song “Gimmy Three Steps” came to mind.  I made apologies as I left and the lady who gave me permission told me that I would be forgiven this one time as she snickered.  (A Mulligan was granted) Free at last!  Free at last!  Halleluiah!  Free at last! I quickly return to the arms of my loving wife who, also being in Disney Land had allowed me to make this blunder.  There she sat within feet of the restroom reading a periodical and had not realized that I had ended up in the wrong camp.  I said to her, “You are not gonna believe this”. Best regards from, Dazed and “Confused In The Wrong Camp!”   In Christ, JHM Revised: August 18, 2008