Last night I discovered that fat people should not do yoga. I am fat. Yoga is the art of contortion such as touching toes, bending over, twisting, rising dog, setting sun, the Oh No, and my favorite the “you can do it”. Fat people can’t do it because they are fat. I can still see my toes I just can’t touch them. I want to touch them but I end up just saying hello to them by waving from above my belly. Some of the ladies were actually small enough to touch their toes and give them a pedicure while I was straining and willing myself to touch them settling for the embarassing toe wave from above.Well if you get beyond the obvious uncomfortable situation of being the only male in the room, the yoga is, how do you say, torture. I never thought that slow movement could produce that much strain. If you did not know this fat people sweat. I sweat when I am standing still. Part of this condition is my Greek heritage (lots of fur equals lots of heat which equals lots of sweat), but the other part of this condition is that I am fat. I started sweating from having to move my mat which is weightless by the way. Next to me was my wife who has had to encounter this sweating situation in much more intimate situations so she is either oblivious now or I think she is quietly disgusted but too sweet to leave me for a non-sweating skinny person. I am sweating so bad that I am standing in a pose called the “dripping dog” not the downward dog.Now some of you are saying well when you work out you sweat. Right? Wrong. Yoga is slow movement and controlled breathing. My yoga was painful movement and heavy breathing. I sounded like a stalker at a Star Trek convention using a fake communicator to harass the ladies. My towel was drenched by the end of the night and most of the ladies looked at me like they had just witnessed a manatee coming out of the water looking for his flipper for the first time. The women looked with compassion, pity and relief. They looked relieved that they did not have to go home with me, sleep in the same bed with me or just be in my general sweaty presence all together. The looked with pity that the manatee or sea cow would never be able to touch his toes or his flipper and they looked with compassion at my wife. Yoga is not for fat people.  The only reason I went is because I thought my wife asked me if I wanted to go get some “Yogurt” not Yoga. My bad.AH